It's odd to think of experiences I had before the age of 20 as "traumatic"...they are part of the fabric of my life, and "traumatic" carries such a weight with it...in any case, some things happened to me. In the scheme of things, if one has a worldly view and conscious, the things that happened to me are not that terrible. I'm not sure if my lack of memories from my first 15 or so years is directly related to these experiences or not, but there you have it.
For me personally, the lack of memories is only challenging in a few, limited ways. It is awkward when I am asked to give a medical history to a doctor. It is detrimental to my success in English classes, when the writing prompt is "Share a memory from when you were 6 or 7 years of age..."...and yes, it would be nice to remember my mother's voice.
However, it is most harmful to relationships when lovers/partners think I am simply not opening up to them, that I am hiding something or holding back...and yes, it is frustrating when I wish I had more to share, but I simply do not.
Perhaps this falls into my belief that most people live a self-centered life--which is absolutely fine. We take care of ourselves, even when we allow ourselves to believe we are putting others first. If I am unable or unwilling to share memories from my past with someone, they often believe it is as a result of something they have done--that I am punishing them, that I am resisting creating a "real" connection. If my sex drive dies down, they will almost unfailingly insist it must be because I am no longer attracted to them, that I am unsatisfied with them or the relationship.
To all my present and future lovers and partners - that is not the case. If you are taking me as a lover or partner, perhaps you should trust me enough to believe that.
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