Allies, Advocates, & Poseurs...

It's always terrifying to me how someone who can call themselves an ally or an advocate to a group of folks (gender/sexual minorities, sex workers, those with mental illness...) can, in one breath say they want the best for that group, and in the next breath condemn them, show disgust, show judgment, et cetera.

Being an ally, an advocate means NOT being disgusted. Not showing judgement. Not appropriating experiences when it is convenient or profitable for you to do so.

Lately, it seems nearly every time I speak out about an ally doing something harmful to the community they are claiming to help, I am attacked (often when I am a member of that community).

Seek first to understand. Seek first to act from a place of understanding. Seek first the words, thoughts, feelings, wants, needs of the group you are claiming to help.

Beyond the Binary: Resources

I am starting a resource list of queer things, and this is a placeholder!

I want to include, and will organize, these things:

http://mediadiversified.org/2014/05/03/whats-race-got-to-do-with-it-white-privilege-asexuality/

Beginning Corset Training!

I am excited to start getting into corseting again! Right now my natural waist is 28", and I hope to eventually get to 20-21" with a corset. When my natural waist was 27" I achieved 20", so I don't feel like this is unrealistic. 

I ordered new corsets from Corset Story on Saturday, and they came in the mail today (Wednesday). I'm wearing one now, though I just ate a full meal. With my natural waist at 29" right now, I am sittin' pretty at 27"...not a big reduction at all, but I am going to wear it an hour or two before bed, and will tighten it again in 30 minutes, once the fabric loosens and my body gets used to it a bit. I am also new to tight-lacing myself, so I'm sure my lacing skills will improve, as well.

Update: after tightening it, I'm now at 26.5".

Too Butch for Catcalls

Today a more masculine-presenting acquaintance of mine expressed, publicly, their frustration at having been hit on by men when they ran to the store in an undershirt (you know, the "wifebeater" that so many of our lovely butch women like to wear). "Do I not look gay enough?" she asks.

Though certainly not ill-intentioned, this sort of sentiment echos many misogynist tendencies that so many of our butch women express. For a wonderful article on Butch Misogyny, click here. 

Does my acquaintance believe that femme-presenting individuals, heterosexual women, women perceived to be heterosexual (or bisexual, or somehow attracted to men), or people perceived to be heterosexual women deserve to be catcalled and hit on whenever any man feels the need or desire to? Does she believe we are "asking" for it, by not trying harder to look gay? Probably not, but her statement and mindset can still be harmful to our community, especially when shared by many others.

Check out this article on why catcalling is not a compliment and how it ties into misogyny and rape culture. Here's a quote: 

It's not flattery, actually - it's harassment. Street harassment, to use the official term. And the thing about street harassment is that it is not meant to be a compliment, but, in fact, an aggressive assertion of male dominance by dehumanizing and hypersexualizing someone. 

When one gives thought to catcalling and other forms of street harassment in this sense, the fact that butch and masculine-presenting women are targets, too, is much easier to understand. 

The men who are performing street harassment do not (ever) believe that their targets are going to go out on a date with them, so their sexual orientation does not matter. Butch and masculine-presenting women (heck, even andro women, queer/trans* individuals, etc) are seen as infringing on male dominance and power through their gender presentation...which is a threat. Street harassment is one of the ways that the rape culture we live in is responding to this threat.

Adventures in Juicing: Feel Good Apple Juice

Ten small gala or Fuji apples!
Two limes!
Three inches of ginger!

Juice, shake, and feel better.

Real apple juice shouldn't be see-through.

Vacation!

I honestly don't believe I've ever needed a vacation so badly before. I'm ready for a week full of love and goodness and souls connecting and new experiences and beauty in all its forms.

My first night there, the universe is giving us a meteor shower.

36 hours until I arrive at the airport to get out of this desert...

New Beginnings

My memory is so bad, and I was in such a bad place last year, that I cannot even remember who I went to Pride with - I vaguely remember meeting someone there, but I can't recall who. 

I had a tarot reading done today - my very first. He told me I was coming from a space of oppression, and new beginnings were coming soon...that I should listen to my intuition about it. Very interesting, as in two short weeks I'll be off to New Orleans...